I hear people say a lot that they don't know where they would be without God. It's said a out by Oder church mothers typically. There's even a song about it. "Where would I be". I know there are some dangers unseen that he has protected me from but if I were to be truly honest and think for a second, I know EXACTLY where I would be without Him. Which makes me all the more grateful. Here's the super honest moment though.
Even with my gratefulness, I find myself sometimes confused and quite frustrated with God because I really don't understand some of His decisions. And that whole 'trusting Him anyhow'' thing is often not very fair in my eyes. I've prayed that "really God?" Prayer more often than I can count. I know I'm not the only one. And I can quote the "His ways are not my ways" till I'm blue in the face. But when the situation is most painful, that doesn't do much. Thankfully, God isn't shaken by my little bit of anger and disappointment.
At the end of the day He's going to make a ton of decisions and moves that I don't necessarily agree with. But He's still God. And as little sense at things make or as painful as situations get. One thing I understand very well in the midst of lack of understanding: I'm not making it through thisthing without Him. His plan may seem worse than mine in the moment by lack of Him in my life is the most terrifying thing I could ever try to imagine.
That's not to say I don't believe His word, or know that I need to trust Him, or know that He cares and does not wish suffering on His children. But it's the painfully honest moments that cause me not to be able to pretty things up. Sometimes it's simply not pretty. But He still loves me in that too. So if I have to find the little nuances to hold on to to shift my focus back to Him (which is the ultimate goal of it all anyhow) that is what I'll do. It doesn't have to all right and perfect. But with Him, it will be alright.